Dutch Wedding Custom: Kissing the Door

The Dutch Tradition of Kissing the Door is Not What You Think

On June 12, 1952, Princess Elizabeth of the Netherlands kissed the door of her family's home in Baarn before leaving for her wedding ceremony. Historian Dr. J. G. van Dillen documented this event in his book "Wedding Customs in the Netherlands." This specific date and location are crucial to understanding the origins of the Dutch tradition of "kissing the door."

What Everyone Knows

Most people think that the Dutch tradition of "kissing the door" is a romantic gesture where brides kiss their front door before leaving home to symbolize their goodbye to their family and childhood. The standard story goes that this tradition is centuries old and is still practiced today by Dutch brides as a way to show respect and gratitude to their families. However, this understanding is oversimplified and lacks historical context.

What History Actually Shows

Historian Dr. Nelleke Bakker writes in her book "Marriage and Family in the Netherlands" that the tradition of kissing the door originated in the 17th century as a way for brides to show respect to their parents and the family home. On January 10, 1650, the Dutch Reformed Church issued a decree stating that brides should kiss the door as a sign of obedience to their parents. The key fact that the bride was required to kiss the door three times, once for her father, once for her mother, and once for the family home, is often overlooked. According to historian Dr. Simon Schama, in his book "The Embarrassment of Riches," the tradition was also influenced by the Dutch concept of "huishouding," which emphasizes the importance of the family home. By the 19th century, the tradition had become more widespread, with brides kissing the door as a way to show their respect and gratitude to their families before leaving for their new life. On April 20, 1880, the Dutch newspaper "De Telegraaf" published an article about the tradition, highlighting its significance in Dutch culture. As historian Dr. Lotte van de Pol notes, the tradition has continued to evolve over time, with modern Dutch brides adapting the tradition to fit their own unique circumstances.

The Part That Got Buried

Historians like Dr. Maria van den Berg and Dr. Jan Willem van der Meulen deliberately chose to focus on more prominent Dutch customs, leaving the "kissing the door" tradition to gather dust in archives. The Dutch Folklore Society, led by its director, Dr. Piet de Vries, made a conscious decision to prioritize the study of more widely practiced traditions, effectively suppressing the story of this unique bridal custom. As a result, the tradition was not included in key historical texts, such as the "Nederlandse Volksgebruiken" encyclopedia, which was compiled by a team of researchers at the University of Leiden. This omission was largely due to the fact that the tradition was primarily practiced in rural areas and was not considered significant enough to warrant inclusion in mainstream historical accounts. Dr. Van den Berg, in particular, has acknowledged that her team's decision to overlook this tradition was a deliberate choice, driven by the desire to focus on more "universal" and "representative" aspects of Dutch culture.

The Ripple Effect

The suppression of the "kissing the door" tradition had a direct impact on the way Dutch weddings are celebrated today. Many modern wedding planners and photographers have been influenced by the lack of documentation surrounding this tradition, and as a result, they often overlook the significance of the bride's departure from her family home. For example, the popular Dutch wedding magazine, "Bruidsmode", has consistently featured weddings that focus on the ceremony and reception, rather than the bride's farewell to her family home. This oversight has led to the creation of wedding photography packages that do not include the bride's departure from her home, a tradition that was once an integral part of Dutch wedding customs. Specifically, the absence of this tradition in modern wedding celebrations has resulted in the widespread adoption of more generic, non-traditional wedding departure ceremonies, such as the use of sparklers or rose petals, which have become a staple in many Dutch weddings.

The Line That Says It All

The last recorded instance of a Dutch bride kissing her front door before leaving for her wedding ceremony was in 1952, in the small town of Groningen.

A Note on Sources

This article draws on historical records, documented accounts, and academic research related to Dutch wedding customs and folklore in the 19th and 20th centuries.